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A Canine Perspective on Love and Romance

Today, I have the honor of interviewing the lovely Miss Beretta Welter, canine extraordinaire.

Miss Beretta

Miss Beretta

Since you are the princess of dogdom and my blog is going to the dogs, I thought that it would be fun to solicit your advice on love and romance.

The “Princess of Dogdom”—I like that! Woof!!

1. First, we would love to know a bit about your background.

Hi everyone! My name’s Beretta and I am a four-year old German Shorthaired Pointer Princess. I am named after a hunting rifle because I am a sure shot—especially when it comes to love and romance. My “real” name is Fly N Hy Semper Fi, but I’m no Devil Dog mind you (he’s the Marine Corps mascot and he’s not so pretty). I am named in honor of my brother Peter, who is a U.S. Marine.

I’m a really lucky pupper—and a pretty one at that! I own three brothers and my mom and dad. They treat me like the princess I am! They run the house, and I run their hearts. I look like an Oreo Blizzard because I am chocolatey-chippety all over, with a liver-colored head and spot on my side and tail. Did somebody say, “Liver?!” Yes, please!

My barkday is April 20, which makes my brothers laugh at because it is National Cannabis Day. I’m not sure what that means, but I laugh along with them! I just love a good giggle! Don’t you?

I love to hunt pheasants with my brothers and dad, and I chase squirrels and bunnies in the back yard. Don’t tell my mom, but I’ve caught one or two over the years. I can’t understand why they don’t play with me when I throw them in the air after I catch ‘em. Go figure.

Speaking of figure, over the past year my mom and I have walked/run nearly 800 miles together. She’s lost 55 lbs. and I’ve lost 8—we both have our girly figures back, which helps with the love and romance if you know what I mean! Woof!

2. Since you are the femme fatale on the GSP Facebook group, what makes you such an expert on romance?

“Femme Fatale”—I like that, too! Woof!!

One look at me and you’ll know why I am such an expert on romance—God (which is doG backwards) blessed me with a beautiful heart on my forehead. It’s sign from the divine. And everyone knows I am a real sweetheart—especially the boy puppers.

Pretty me!

Pretty me!

3. How do you define romance? Love?

Romance is when you’re really, really excited to be with someone. You just want to do the happy dance and wag your hiney every time you see them! You might even do a lap dance every now and then! Woof!! You share your favorite toys and give them treats—lots and lots of treats.

Love is really exciting, too. There’s still lots and lots of hiney wagging and happy dancing, but you dig deeper. And who doesn’t like to dig? When you’re in love, you like to spend lots of time together—rubbing bellies, snuggling, and sleeping (I’m blushing now). When they leave, you are sad but you always trust they will come home. And when they do come home, you act like you haven’t seen them in a year!

4. What attributes do you look for in a male (keep it clean ;-))? Hmmm, I do recall there was a stud named Pookie …

Attributes? I call those “doo dads!” Oops—that wasn’t clean! Sorry.

As for Pookie…er, Pokie…I beg to differ. He’s no stud. He’s nothing more than a two-timing heartbreaker who stepped out with another. I’m so over him Miss Nancy. So. Over. Him.

As for boy puppers, I like big mutts and I cannot lie! It’s something that I can’t deny! He’d better treat me like a lady and he’d best like to hunt, play, run, drool, snuggle, sniff (but not down there), bark, dig, beg, chase critters—all the important stuff, you know.

And seriously, the only balls he needs are the ones you fetch. Woof!!

5. Have you ever been in love?

Well, there’s Tucker…and Hanky Panky…and Astro…and Deuce…and Kaiser Roo…and Dixon…and Barney…and Boomer…and Blitz…and Pookie (but, not anymore)…and

…maybe once or twice! Woof!! 😉

6. What can we humans learn from you about relationships, love and romance?

It’s really quite easy Miss Nancy!

Love unconditionally.
Snuggle often (under the covers if you can!).
Be loyal and faithful.
Be a good companion.
Be patient (sometimes you have to wait for your treats).
Eat lots and lots of treats.
Happy dance every day.
Wag your hiney every day.
Bring everyone a toy.
Play.
Drool over the one you love.
Be grateful.
Air your “parts” once in a while.
Be goofy.
Make people laugh.
Beg for forgiveness when you need to.

7. I am the author of a novel called “Lab Test” about a woman who is turned into a dog through a Gypsy’s spell. What would you do if you were turned into a human?

That’s some crazy Gypsy Miss Nancy!

If I were a human girl (don’t tell my humans I’m not already one because I have them pretty well convinced that I am), I would live each day like it’s a dog’s life. I would love everyone, always do what’s right, and enjoy the simple things—yummy food, lots of treats, belly rubbing, sleeping in the sunshine, playing, chasing critters, pooping (yes, I just said that), snuggling, head scratching, etc. I wouldn’t worry about money (I don’t even know what that is) or other silly human things. I’d just wag my hiney and do the happy dance all day long!

Woof!!

P.S. I would also make sure to teach every other human to never, ever, ever hurt another person or a pupper. Ever.

7. Is there anything else that you’d like my readers to know?

Wag more. (I like to shake my hiney!)
Bark less. (Woof!)

Thank you! Woof-woof. Bow-wow.

Woof!

Tell your mom thank you for letting you be my guest …

She says, “You’re welcome!”

😉

Moi!

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